The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These are a part of the framework that make up our learning to live with the what we lost. I think you are still hung up in the denial area. Perhaps you can find comfort in Nabutso's words from earlier this year, I found them fitting:

"If you want to hear from Nasomi regarding your ban, then yes, expect to be at the very bottom of his to-do list. He doesn't jail players with the intention of talking it out and discussing a sentence and what you did, as he doesn't jail someone on a hunch or rumor alone. You were jailed because he completed an investigation." https://na.nasomi.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8225